Resources
Please call us for any information that is not covered on our website. We are available to answer your questions at all times.
- Local Links
- Charities
- Veterans
- Social Security
- FAQ's
- Grief Support
- Funeral Etiquette
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Preparing the Funeral Liturgy This is to select chosen readings, music and participants for a Catholic Funeral Mass |
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| ALS Assoc. 7 Lincoln St. Wakefield 01880 |
| Alzheimer's Association Massachusetts Chapter, 309 Waverley Oaks Rd., Waltham, MA 02452 |
| Alzheimers Support Group of the South Shore, P.O. Box 109 Hingham 02043 |
| American Cancer Society, P.O. Box 1120, Framingham, MA 01701 |
| American Civil Liberties Union of Mass 99 Chauncey St. Suite 310, Boston 02111 |
| American Diabetes Assoc., 260 Cochituate Rd #200, Framingham, MA 01701 |
| American Kidney Fund 6110 Executive Blvd. Rockville Md. 20852 |
| American Liver Foundation 88 Winchester St. Newton 02461 |
| American Lung Assoc., 1661 Worcester Road, Suite 301, Framingham, MA 01701 |
| American Heart Assoc., 20 Speen St., Framingham, MA 01701 |
| American Red Cross National Disaster Relief Fund, American Red Cross 285 Columbus Avenue Boston, MA 02116 |
| Arthritis Foundation 29 Crafts St. Newton 02458 |
| Beacon Hospice, 45 North Main Street, Fall River, MA 02722 |
| Boston Catholic Television, 55 Chapel St. P.O. Box 9109, Newtonville, MA 02460 |
| Boston Catholic TV Center 55 Chapel St. Box 56 Newton 02160 |
| Boston EMS Relief Association PO Box 365695 Hyde Park 02136 |
| Boston Shriners Hospital 51 Blossom St. Boston, MA 02114, 617-722-3000 Fax 617-523-1684 |
| Brain Tumor Center at Massachusetts General Hospital, 100 Blossom St., Boston, MA 02114 |
| Cancer Center of Boston, 125 Parker Hill Ave., Boston, 02120 |
| Cancer Research, c/o American Cancer Society, 1115 West Chestnut St., Brockton MA 02130 |
| Caritas Good Samaritan Hospice, 3 Edgewater Dr., Norwood, MA 02062 |
| Carroll Center for the Blind 770 Centre St. Newton 02158 |
| Catholic Charities 75 Kneeland St Boston 02111 |
| Catholic Charities 55 Lynn Shore Dr. Lynn MA 01902 |
| Children's Hospital, 300 Longwood Ave, Boston MA 02115 |
| Chrones & Colitis Foundation NE Chapter 280 Hillside Ave Needham 02494 |
| Cystic Fibrosis Foundation 220 N. Main St. Natick 01760 |
| Dana/Farber's Jimmy Fund Tribute Program, 10 Brookline Place West, 6th Floor, Brookline, MA 02445 617-632-2903 |
| Dana Farber Cancer Institute, 10 Brookline Place West, 6th Floor, Brookline, MA 02445 617-632-2903 |
| Dedham Visiting Nurses Assoc. 1100 High St. Dedham MA 02026 |
| Dept. of Nursing, St. Elizabeth's Medical Center, 736 Cambridge St., Brighton, MA 02135 |
| Deutsches Altenheim Nursing Home 2222 Centre St. West Roxbury, MA 02132 |
| Dialysis Dept, Beth Israel Deaconess Med. Ctr. 330 Brookline Ave. Boston 02215 |
| Epilepsy Foundation, 4351 Garden City Drive, Landover MD 20785 |
| Faulkner Hospital Oncology Dept. 1153 Centre St. Boston, (JP) 02130 |
| Good Samaritan Hospice, 310 Allston St., Brighton, MA 02146 |
| Home for Little Wanderers, 161 South Huntington Ave., Boston 02130 |
| Hospice & Pallitave Care of Cape Cod, 923 Rt. 6A Yarmouthport, MA 02675 |
| Hospice-Healthcare Dimensions, 764 Main St, Waltham, MA 02451-0603 |
| Joslin Diabetes Center One Joslin Place Boston, MA 02215 |
| Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, 9 Erie Dr., Suite 101, Natick, MA 01760 |
| MA Lions Eye Research Fund Inc., P.O. Box 6050, New Bedford, MA 02742-6050 |
| MA SIDS Center , Boston Medical Center , 1 BMC Place, Boston 02118 |
| Make a Wish Foundation, 1 Bulfinch Place, 2nd Floor, Boston, 02114 |
| March of Dimes 1275 Mamaroneck Avenue White Plains, NY 10605 |
| Mass Brain Injury Assoc. 484 Main St. #325 Worcester, MA 01608 |
| Mass General Hospital Development Office, 100 Charles River Plaza, Suite 600 Boston 02114 |
| N.E. Home for Little Wanderers, 271 Huntington Ave, Boston MA 02115 |
| National Breast Cancer Foundation, One Hanover Park 16633 N. Dallas Pkwy, Suite 600 Addison TX 75001 |
| New England Shelter for Homeless Veterans 17 Court St. Boston, MA 02108 |
| Pine Street Inn Development Office 444 Harrison Ave. Boston, MA 02118 (617) 521-7629 |
| Ronald MacDonald House, 229 Kent St. Brookline MA 02446 |
| Rosies Place 889 Harrison Ave Boston 02118 |
| Salvation Army 6 Baxter St. Quincy, MA 02169-6900 |
| Shriners Hospital for Children, 51 Blossom St., Boston, MA 02114 |
| South Shore Visiting Nurse Association 100 Bay State Drive Braintree, MA 02184 |
| South Shore Visiting Nurses Association, 100 Bay State Dr., Braintree, MA 02185 |
| Special Olympics, 450 Maple St., Danvers, MA 01923 |
| St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, 501 St. Jude Pl., Memphis, TN 38105-1905. |
| St. Vincent DePaul Society 18 Canton St. Stoughton MA 02072 |
| Stanley R. Tippett Hospice House, 920 South St., Needham, MA 02492 |
| The Hospice Care Inc. 41 Montvale Ave., Stoneham 02180 |
| The Hebrew Rehabilitation Ctr., 1200 Centre St., Roslindale MA 02131 |
| Walpole Area VNA, PO Box 252, Walpole, MA 02081. |
Veterans Information
VA will pay a $300 plot allowance when the veteran is not buried in a cemetery that is under U.S. Government jurisdiction if the veteran is discharged from active duty because of disability incurred or aggravated in line of duty, if the veteran was in receipt of compensation or pension or would have been in receipt of compensation but for receipt of military retired pay, or if the veteran died while hospitalized by VA. The plot allowance is not payable solely on wartime service. If the veteran is buried without charge for the cost of a plot or interment in a state-owned cemetery reserved solely for veteran burials, the $300 plot allowance may be paid to the state. Burial expenses paid by the deceased's employer or a state agency will not be reimbursed. Burial FlagsVA provides an American flag to drape the casket of a veteran and to a person entitled to retired military pay. After the funeral service, the flag may be given to the next of kin or a close associate. VA also will issue a flag on behalf of a service member who was missing in action and later presumed dead. Flags are issued at VA regional offices, national cemeteries, and post offices. Burial in National Cemeteries ~ VA CemeteriesBurial benefits in a VA national cemetery include the gravesite, opening and closing of the grave, and perpetual care. Many national cemeteries have columbaria for the inurnment of cremated remains or special gravesites for the burial of cremated remains. Headstones and markers and their placement are provided at the government's expense. Veterans and armed forces members who die on active duty are eligible for burial in one of VA's 114 national cemeteries. An eligible veteran must have been discharged or separated from active duty under honorable or general conditions and have completed the required period of service. Persons entitled to retired pay as a result of 20 years creditable service with a reserve component are eligible. A U.S. citizen who served in the armed forces of a government allied with the United States in a war also may be eligible. Spouses and minor children of eligible veterans and of armed forces members also may be buried in a national cemetery. A surviving spouse of an eligible veteran who married a non veteran, and whose remarriage was terminated by death or divorce, is eligible for burial in a national cemetery. Gravesites in national cemeteries cannot be reserved. Funeral directors or others making burial arrangements must apply at the time of death. Reservations made under previous programs are honored. The National Cemetery System normally does not conduct burials on weekends. A weekend caller, however, will be directed to one of three strategically located VA cemetery offices that remain open during weekends to schedule burials at the cemetery of the caller's choice during the following week. Massachusetts National Cemetery ~ Bourne Headstones and MarkersVA provides headstones and markers for the unmarked graves of veterans anywhere in the world and for eligible dependents of veterans buried in national, state veteran or military cemeteries. Flat bronze, flat granite, flat marble, upright granite and upright marble types are available to mark the grave in a style consistent with the place of burial. Niche markers also are available to mark columbaria used for inturnment of cremated remains. Headstones and markers are inscribed with the name of the deceased, the years of birth and death, and branch of service. Optional items that also may be inscribed at VA expense are: military grade, rank or rate; war service such as World War II; months and days of birth and death; an emblem reflecting one's beliefs; valor awards; and the Purple Heart. Additional items may be inscribed at private expense. When burial is in a national, state veteran or military cemetery, the headstone marker is ordered through the cemetery, inscription, shipping and placement can be obtained from the cemetery. When burial occurs in a cemetery other than a national, military post or state veterans cemetery, the headstone marker must be applied for from VA. It is shipped at government expense. VA, however, does not pay the cost of placing the headstone or marker on the grave. To apply, you must complete VA form 40-1330 and forward it to Director, Office of Memorial Programs (403A), National Cemetery System, Department of Veterans Affairs, Washington, DC 20420. Forms and assistance are available at VA application you may call the Director, Office of Memorial Programs at 1-800-697-6947. VA cannot issue a headstone or marker for a spouse or child buried in a private cemetery. Twenty year reservists without active duty service are eligible for a headstone or marker, if they are entitled to military retired pay at the time of death. Headstones or Markers for Memorial PlotsTo memorialize an eligible veteran whose remains are not available for burial, VA will provide a plot and headstone or marker in a national cemetery. The headstone or marker is the same as that used to identify a grave except that the mandatory phrase "In Memory of" precedes the authorized inscription. The headstone or marker is available to memorialize eligible veterans or deceased active-duty members whose remains were not recovered or identified, were buried at sea, donated to science, or cremated and scattered. The memorial marker may be provided for placement in a cemetery other than a national cemetery. In such a case, VA supplies the marker and pays the cost of shipping, but does not pay for the plot or the placement of the marker. Only a relative recognized as the next of kin may apply for the benefit. Presidential Memorial CertificatesThe Presidential Memorial Certificate is a parchment certificate with a calligraphic inscription expressing the nation's recognition of the veteran's service. The veteran's name is inscribed and the certificate bears the signature of the President. Certificates are issued in the name of honorably discharged, deceased veterans. Eligible recipients include next of kin, other relatives and friends. The award of a certificate to one eligible recipient does not preclude certificates to other eligible recipients. The veteran may have died at any time in the past. The local VA regional office generally originates the application for a Presidential Memorial Certificate. The next of kin also may request a certificate. Requests should be accompanied by a copy of a document such as a discharge to establish honorable service. VA regional offices can assist in applying for certificates. Military Funeral Honors Frequently Asked QuestionsInformation on Military Honors, Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) benefits, and answers to frequently asked questions are at the Military Funeral Honors web site:http://www.militaryfuneralhonors.osd.mil/. The web site contains up-to-date information and direct links to other related web sites. 1. What is Military Funeral Honors?The basic Military Funeral Honors ceremony consists of the folding and presentation of the United States flag to the veteran's family and the playing of Taps. The ceremony is performed by a funeral honors detail consisting of at least two members of the Armed Forces. At least one of the funeral honors detail will be from the Armed Force in which the deceased veteran served. Taps may be played by a bugler or, if a bugler is not available, by using a quality recorded version. This basic ceremony will be provided to every eligible veteran, when requested. Depending upon the culture and traditions of the Military Service, additional personnel or other elements of funeral honors may be added. In addition, local Veterans Service Organizations (VSO), who have historically performed Military Funeral Honors, and other authorized organization may complement the Military Funeral Honors detail. For example, the VSOs might augment the ceremony by providing a firing party. This voluntary assistance would be in addition to the services provided by the Military Funeral Honors detail. If there is a VSO or authorized organization in the area that might have an interest in assisting in the Military Funeral Honors ceremony, and if desired by the family, the funeral director should notify the Military Service point of contact. 2. How do I establish veteran eligibility?The preferred method is the DD Form 214, Certificate of Release or Discharge from Active Duty. If the DD Form 214 is not available, any discharge document showing other than dishonorable service can be used. The DD 214 may be obtained by filling out a Standard Form 180 and sending it to: National Personnel
Records Center (NPRC) The
standard Form 180 may be obtained from the National Records Center or
via the Internet at:
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VA will pay a burial allowance up to $1,500 if the veteran's death is service connected. VA also will pay the cost of transporting the remains of a service-disabled veteran to the national cemetery nearest the home of a deceased that has available gravesites. In such cases, the person who bore the veteran's burial expenses may claim reimbursement from VA. VA will pay a $300 burial and funeral expense allowance for veterans who, at time of death, were entitled to receive pension or compensation or would have been entitled to compensation but for receipt of military retirement pay. Eligibility also is established when death occurs in a VA facility or a nursing home with which VA contracted. Additional costs of transportation of the remains may be reimbursed. There is no time limit for filing reimbursement claims of service-connected deaths. In other deaths, claims must be filed within two years after permanent burial or cremation.
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A Message from Social SecurityConley Funeral & Cremation Service is helping the Social Security office by giving you this information about Social Security benefits. If the deceased was receiving benefits, you need to contact us to report the death. If you think you may be eligible for survivors benefits, you should contact us to apply. How Social Security helps familiesSocial Security survivors benefits help ease the financial burden that follows a worker's death. Almost all children under age 18 will get monthly benefits if a working parent dies. Other family members may be eligible for benefits, too. Anyone who has worked and paid Social Security (FICA) taxes has been earning Social Security benefits for his or her family. The amount of work needed to pay survivors benefits depends on the worker's age at the time of death. It may be as little as 1-1/2 years for a young worker. No one needs more than 10 years. Who can get survivors benefits?Here is a list of family members who usually can get benefits:
A special one-time paymentIn addition to the monthly benefits for family members, a one-time payment of $255 can be paid to a spouse who was living with the worker at the time of death. If there is none, it can be paid to:
How to apply for benefitsYou can apply for benefits by telephone or by going to any Social Security office. You may need some of the documents shown on the list below. But don t delay your application because you don t have all the information. If you don t have a document you need, Social Security can help you get it. Information Needed
You can mail or bring them to the office. Social Security will make photocopies and return your documents. Supplemental Security Income (SSI)If you are 65 or older, disabled, or blind, ask the Social Security representative about supplemental security Income (SSI) checks for people with limited income and resources. If you receive SSI, you may also qualify for Medicaid, food stamps, and other social services. For
More Information
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Frequently Asked QuestionsWhat purpose does a funeral serve?It is the customary way to recognize death and its finality. Funerals are recognized rituals for the living to show respect for the dead and to help survivors begin the grief process. What do funeral directors do?Funeral directors are caregivers and administrators. They make the arrangements for transportation of the body, complete all necessary paperwork, and implement the choices made by the family regarding the funeral and final disposition of the body. Funeral directors are listeners, advisors and supporters. They have experience assisting the bereaved in coping with death. Funeral directors are trained to answer questions about grief, recognize when a person is having difficulty coping, and recommend sources of professional help. Funeral directors also link survivors with support groups at the funeral home or in the community. Do you have to have a funeral director to bury the dead?In most states, family members may bury their own dead although regulations vary. However, most people find it very trying to be solely responsible for arranging the details and legal matters surrounding a death. Why have a public viewing?Viewing is part of many cultural and ethnic traditions. Many grief specialists believe that viewing aids the grief process by helping the bereaved recognize the reality of death. Viewing is encouraged for children, as long as the process is explained and the activity voluntary. What is the purpose of embalming?Embalming sanitizes and preserves the body, retards the decomposition process, and enhances the appearance of a body disfigured by traumatic death or illness. Embalming makes it possible to lengthen the time between death and the final disposition, thus allowing family members time to arrange and participate in the type of service most comforting to them. Does a dead body have to be embalmed, according to law?No. Most states, however, require embalming when death was caused by a reportable contagious disease or when remains are to be transported from one state to another by common carrier or if final disposition is not to be made within a prescribed number of hours. Isn't burial space becoming scarce?While it is true some metropolitan areas have limited available cemetery space, in most areas of the country, there is enough space set aside for many years ahead without creating new cemeteries. In addition, land available for new cemeteries is more than adequate, especially with the increase in entombment and multi-level grave burial. Is cremation a substitute for a funeral?No. Cremation is an alternative to earth burial or entombment for the body's final disposition and often follows a traditional funeral service. Who pays for funerals for the indigent?Other than the family, there are veteran, union, and other organizational benefits to pay for funerals, including, in certain instances, a lump sum death payment from Social Security. In most states, some form of public aid allowances are available from either the state, county, or city or a combination. Most funeral directors are aware of the various benefits and know how to obtain them for the indigent. However, funeral directors often absorb costs above and beyond what is provided by agencies to insure the deceased a respectable burial. What should I do if the death occurs in the middle of the night or on the weekend?We are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Will someone come right away?If the death occurs at home, we usually respond within 1 hour of your phone call. We will respond to a hospital or nursing facility after a release has been authorized. If a loved one dies out of state , can the local Funeral Home still help?Yes, they can assist you with out-of-state arrangements, either to transfer the remains to another state or from another state. So, I've decided on cremation. Can I still have a funeral or a viewing?Yes, quite often some sort of viewing precedes the actual cremation. Your Funeral Home can assist you with the necessary information for a funeral with a cremation following or a memorial service. What government agencies help defray final expenses?Usually, Funeral Directors will help gather the necessary information to apply for financial assistance from Social Security, Veteran's Affairs, retirements, and any others. |
Bereavement and Grief Support Services
Grief Share Programs; Support Groups in and around the Brockton area:
Church on the Rock Foursquare Gospel Church 421 Torrey Street, Brockton, MA 02301
Phone:
508-427-1744
Christ Community Church 41 Stevens St., East Taunton, MA 02718
Phone:
508-880-6202
South Shore Baptist Church 578 Main Street, Hingham, MA 02043
Phone:
781-749-2592
Community Covenant Church 615 Tremont Street, Rehoboth, MA 02769
Phone:
508-222-9400
Fall River Church of Christ 840 Rock Street, Fall River, MA 02720
Phone:
508-672-8538
Massachusetts Bereavement Services
South Shore Chapter of Compassionate Friends
Senior Service Network of Boston South
Samaritans Suicide Prevention 141 Tremont Street, Boston, MA 02111
Phone: 617-
536-2460
Local Hospice Organizations:
Old Colony Hospice 1 Credit Union Way Randolph, MA 02368
Phone: 800-370-1322 Fax: 781-297-7345
Hospice of Boston & Greater Brockton 1324 Belmont Street, Suite 202 Brockton, MA 02301
Phone: 800-642-2423 Fax:-508-957-0229
South Shore Hospice 100 Bay State Drive, P.O. Box 859060, Braintree, MA 02185-9060
Information: 781-843-0947 Referrals: 1-800-432-9995
Funeral Etiquette
If you are someone who has to plan a funeral due to the loss of a loved one, or perhaps you are attending a service for a family member or friend, here are some explanations of terms and situations you may find yourself having to address.
The funeral is a ceremony of proven worth and value for those who mourn. It provides an opportunity for the survivors and others who share in the loss to express their love, respect, grief and appreciation for a life that has been lived. It permits facing openly and realistically the crisis the death presents. Through the funeral the bereaved take that first step toward emotional adjustment to their loss. This information has been prepared as a convenient reference for modern funeral practices and customs.
The Funeral Service
The type of service conducted for the deceased is specified by the family. Funeral directors are trained to assist families in arranging whatever type of service they desire. The service, held either at a place of worship or at the funeral home with the deceased present, varies in ritual according to denomination. The presence of friends at this time is an acknowledgement of friendship and support. It is helpful to friends and the community to have an obituary notice published announcing the death and type of service to be held.
Private Service
This service is by invitation only and may be held at a place of worship, a funeral home or a family home. Usually, selected relatives and a few close friends attend the funeral service. Often public visitation is held, condolences are sent, and the body is viewed.
Memorial Service
A memorial service is a service without the body present and can vary in ceremony and procedures according to the community and religious affiliations. Some families prefer public visitations followed by a private or grave side service with a memorial service later at the church or funeral home.
Pallbearers
Friends, relatives, church members or business associates may be asked to serve as pallbearers. The funeral director will secure pallbearers if requested to do so by the family.
Honorary Pallbearers
>When the deceased has been active in political, business, church or civic circles, it may be appropriate for the family to request close associates of the deceased to serve as honorary pallbearers. They do not actively carry the casket.
Eulogy
A eulogy may be given by a member of the family, clergy, a close personal friend or a business associate of the deceased. The eulogy is not to be lengthy, but should offer praise and commendation and reflect the life of the person who has died.
Dress
Wearing colorful clothing is no longer inappropriate for relatives and friends. Persons attending a funeral should be dressed in good taste so as to show dignity and respect for the family and the occasion.
Funeral Procession / Cortege
When the funeral ceremony and the burial are both held within the local area, friends and relatives may accompany the family to the cemetery. The procession is formed at the funeral home or place of worship. The funeral director can advise you of the traffic regulations and procedures to follow while driving in a funeral procession.
Condolences
The time of death is a very confusing time for family members. No matter what your means of expressing your sympathy, it is important to clearly identify yourself to the family.
Flowers
Sending a floral tribute is a very appropriate way of expressing sympathy to the family of the deceased. Flowers express a feeling of life and beauty and offer much comfort to the family. A floral tribute can either be sent to the funeral home or the residence. If sent to the residence, usually a planter or a small vase of flowers indicating a person's continued sympathy for the family is suggested. The florist places an identification card on the floral tribute. At the funeral home the cards are removed from the floral tributes and given to the family so they may acknowledge the tributes sent.
Mass Cards
Mass cards can be sent either by Catholic or non-Catholic friends. The offering of prayers is a valued expression of sympathy to a Catholic family. A card indicating that a Mass for the deceased has been arranged may be obtained from any Catholic parish. In some areas it is possible to obtain Mass cards at the funeral home. The Mass offering card or envelope is given to the family as an indication of understanding, faith and compassion. Make sure that your name and address is legible and that you list your postal code. This will make it easier for the family to acknowledge your gift.
Memorial Donations
A memorial contribution, to a specific cause or charity, can be appreciated as flowers. A large number of memorial funds are available, however the family may have expressed a preference. Memorial donations provide financial support for various projects. If recognized as a charitable institution, some gifts may be deductible for tax purposes. Your funeral director is familiar with them and can explain each option, as well as furnish the donor with "In Memoriam" cards, which are given to the family.
Sympathy Cards
Sending a card of sympathy, even if you are only an acquaintance, is appropriate. It means so much to the family members to know they are in good thoughts. The card should be in good taste and in keeping with your relationship to the family of the deceased.
Personal Note
A personal note of sympathy is very meaningful. Express yourself openly and sincerely. An expression such as "I'm sorry to learn of your personal loss" is welcomed by the family and can be kept with other messages.
Telephone Calls
Speaking to a family member gives you an opportunity to offer your services and make them feel you really care. If they wish to discuss their recent loss, don't hesitate to talk to the person about the deceased. Be a good listener. Sending a telegram expressing your sympathy is also appropriate.
Visitation
Your presence at the visitation demonstrates that although someone has died, friends still remain. Your presence is an eloquent statement that you care.
Visitation provides a time and place for friends to offer their expression of sorrow and sympathy, rather than awkwardly approaching the subject at the office, supermarket or social activities. The obituary/death notice will designate the hours of visitation when the family will be present and will also designate the times when special services such as lodge services or prayer services may be held. Persons may call at the funeral home at any time during suggested hours of the day or evening to pay respects, even though the family is not present. Friends and relatives are requested to sign the register book. A person's full name should be listed e.g. "Mrs. John Doe". If the person is a business associate, it is proper to list their affiliation as the family may not be familiar with their relationship to the deceased.
Friends should use their own judgement on how long they should remain at the funeral home or place of visitation. If they feel their presence is needed, they should offer to stay.
When the funeral service is over, the survivors often feel very alone in dealing with their feelings. It is important that they know you are still there. Keep in touch.
Sympathy Expressions
When a person calls at the funeral home, sympathy can be expressed by clasping hands, an embrace, or a simple statement of condolence, such as:
"I'm sorry."
"My sympathy to you."
"It was good to know John."
"John was a fine person and a friend of mine. He will be missed."
"My sympathy to your mother."
The family member in return may say:"Thanks for coming."
"John talked about you often."
"I didn't realize so many people cared."
"Come see me when you can."
Encourage the bereaved to express their feelings and thoughts, but don't overwhelm them.
Acknowledgements
The family should acknowledge the flowers and messages sent by relatives and friends. When food and personal services are donated, these thoughtful acts also should be acknowledged, as should the services of the pallbearers. The funeral director may have available printed acknowledgement cards which can be used by the family. When the sender is well known to the family, a short personal note should be written on the acknowledgment card expressing appreciation for a contribution or personal service received. The note can be short, such as:
"Thank you for the beautiful roses. The arrangement was lovely."
"The food you sent was so enjoyed by our family. Your kindness is deeply appreciated."
In some communities it is a practice to insert a public thank you in the newspaper. The funeral director can assist you with this.
Children at Funerals
At a very early age, children have an awareness of and a response to death. Children should be given the option to attend visitation and the funeral service. The funeral director can advise you on how to assist children at the time of a funeral and can provide you with additional information and literature.
Grief Recovery
It is healthy to recognize death and discuss it realistically with friends and relatives. When a person dies, there is grief that needs to be shared. Expressions of sympathy and the offering of yourself to help others following the funeral are welcomed. It is important that we share our grief with one another. Your local funeral director can help family and friends locate available resources and grief recovery programs in your area.
Help a Grieving Friend
Be a listener
Grieving people often find they need to talk about what's happened and how they feel about it. You don't have to fix their grief or cheer them up, but you can share the load just by being there to listen.
It's all right to cry
There's no need to say "be brave" or "be strong." Crying helps emotions to be released so they won't get bottled up. To give permission for tears, anger or any other emotions will let your friend know you aren't uncomfortable with their grief.
Stay in touch
Remember that grief doesn't go away in a few short weeks. Even one year may not be long enough to adjust to changes in your life. So, a friend who calls in 3, 6, or 12 months time may be one of the few who still asks how things are going. Special days like birthdays or Christmas may be just the time to pick up the phone and say, "I was thinking of you today."